Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
