I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
