the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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