Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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