I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
