U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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