That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
