i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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