Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
