those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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