drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
