It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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