Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
