Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
