he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
