I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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