My first STD was from a foam party
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
