we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
