listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am one with the molecules
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
