I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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