I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
