Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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