But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
