this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
