she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
did i walk over a car last night?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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