im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
