You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
