What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Someone signed my nipple.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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