Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
