The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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