She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
