Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need a beard to bite.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
