do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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