Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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