dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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