That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
