the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
