I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
