He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
