I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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