i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
