Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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