roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
