Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
