I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
