I should be sponsored by Trojan
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
