someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
