this just has baby written all over it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
