half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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