i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
