haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
