My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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