i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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