i just had sex bonerless
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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