My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
