If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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