I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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