How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
