it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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