are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
