I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You ruined the universe
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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