We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
