as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?