That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dating After Heartbreak
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.