I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
being pregnant is like rehab
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.