If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...