for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
