is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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