saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
