A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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