One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
