what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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