FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
