Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
