Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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