My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
please don't ironically join a cult
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