the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
