I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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