this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
