is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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